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[Kenny Rogers]

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A M EST.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend, threatening our lives and me.

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my Jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.

My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.

Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I Went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]


I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ...

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.
Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's up with that?

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you .... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

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Seems like something rhmt would do 

[Jorsher]

Interesting story however I call bullshit on at least one portion of it:

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.
Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's up with that?

You cannot make collect calls to a cell phone, or call a number that costs money from one...like a 1-900 number.

This makes me doubt the rest of the story, although it is entertaining.

[Teg2boo]

Interesting story however I call bullshit on at least one portion of it:

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone.
Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's up with that?

You cannot make collect calls to a cell phone, or call a number that costs money from one...like a 1-900 number.

This makes me doubt the rest of the story, although it is entertaining.

You are sure about that? If you don't have a home line, how do you call your sex phone number?

[Kenny Rogers]

You are sure about that? If you don't have a home line, how do you call your sex phone number?

What a frightening thought.  Good thing I look at internet porn like a normal person.

[Teg2boo]

You are sure about that? If you don't have a home line, how do you call your sex phone number?

What a frightening thought.  Good thing I look at internet porn like a normal person.

Yeah, how were they doing back in 1980... Life quality was poor...

[ratcityrex]

At any rate I thought it was good.