Have you ever went out of your way to do good things above and beyond what is expected of you? Set such a high standard for yourself that it became what was expected of you always. often times your extra dedication going unnoticed or unrecognized? Let's say you show up 30 early for work, not even on the clock every single day for months just because your dedicated like that.....
one day shit happens, you walk in 20 minutes late. The boss goes ape shit, screaming and bitching about how everything is all fucked up and the world is coming to and end because of YOU were fuckin late. For the rest of the day regardless of the situation, everything is your god damn fault. I once found myself in a very similar scenario and when a co worker later asked me what was wrong, this was his reply.
"Dude it's like this, in your lifetime you can build 100 bridges, and then one day you suck one cock.....your not a bridge builder, your a cocksucker"
A lot of you will feel differently about this, I'd just like to tell a story. grab a beer this is going to take a minute
Chris Harris you betrayed something sacred. You turned your back on your FRIENDS and your FAMILY. That fact has already been established so that is NOT what this thread is about.
Friends and Family. you can make both of them your enemy but you CANNOT make your family not family.
When I was growing up my friends WERE my family.
I would almost bet you my car I can accurately explain how your judgment became so clouded. And in doing so may help others understand.
It WAS NOT because your a selfish person
It WAS NOT for personal gain
it WAS NOT because you didn't care about how it would effect everyone or didn't think about it.
I'm willing to bet that you are the type of person that generally takes it upon himself to shoulder large amounts of responsibilities but also OTHER people's responsibilities.
You do it because if you take it upon yourself to handle everything so you'll know that its done.
I remember way back when you expanded xenocron and posted up about hiring some people....an exciting time because it just showed everyone here that things were really starting to take off in a good direction for you.
one of the things you demanded of a potential applicant is excellent customer service and professionalism....why? because your customers consisted of mostly us here, and we would be taken care of.
When you started hiring employee's im guessing it was difficult for you to delegate task to other people at first....when there is a problem you solve it. when you are having a problem you can probably count on one hand how many people you would ask for help if it came to it.
This is our home, one big happy disfunctional family. You were more than happy being just another member of this family, just another kid on the playground but one of the handful that had earned that "leet knowledgability and respected" status. it wasnt given to you. you earned it.
THEN you became the landlord over the house in which you and your own family lived. When you took on that responsibility, you for all intensive purposes became "dad". Overnight your role became to enforce rules. settle disputes, and oversee the day to day operation of the business side of things.
lets face it. Your a car tuning boost junky and all this other shit you took on just isn't any god damn fun.
Forced to stay out of arguments and conversations that before you would have loved to join in on because you felt obligated to remain unbiased.
You were uncomfortable being forced to make decisions and pass judgments that will leave SOMEBODY pissed off regardless.
two people you have known from way back that you like equally forcing you to choose. damned if you do, damned if you don't.
This goes on for a while in one form or another, little does anyone know, even your closest people (O.G.'s) don't realize how much it's eating you up. Instead of having to deal with it you mentaly seperated yourself as much as possible from the whole situation and set your focus on xenocron 110%
The same way a warcraft addict drowns themselves into that world because it sub consciously offers an ESCAPE from a world or situation in which you just can't seem to figure out how to best deal with.
You kept this to yourself because you let it build to the point in your head that you wrongly assumed that nobody but YOU could possibly understand the stress that being the owner was causing. You felt that if you came full out with it that it would cause an all out disaster, or at very least upset the balance of things.
You knew when you took over you had to seperate xenocron from HMT. because simply cleaning up or controlling the content wasnt going to cut it. You became painfully aware that in SOME aspects of your desire to expand,develop and grow your business that it's association with HMT was going to be problematic at best, and downright hold you back in some cases.
"Homemadeturbo's one rule policy" was your hopes of guiding HMT in a direction that you were hoping would Allow Xenocron and HMT to co-exist in a way that you could
A: accomplish your personal goals
B: keep your (hmt)family happy
Eventually the realization that seperating hmt with xeno wasn't possible thanks to Google Searches and you kind of stuck your head in the sand.
The "problem" became so complicated in your head, you forgot to try the SIMPLE solution
could have posted in GD saying "guys I'm fucked, this admin stuff is bullshit, I wanna go back out and play in the sandbox and not have to give a fuck"
but no that wouldnt work either because if you said you needed to give it up because it was hurting your company, that would most likely offend the people that made your company successful in the first place.
rock (you) hardplace
the more time you spent ignoring the situation, the worse it became.
feeling an overwhelming pressure with absolutely no way out, you lied to yourself and convinced yourself just long enough, that it was a sound business decision, with responsibilies to wifey and kids, lied and convinced yourself just long enough that just maybe we all really wouldn't be that pissed off.
Rick comes in and says "man I will let the site be and will barely change a thing" and you so badly wanted to believe that shit but deep down you knew. but ignored it because something had to give...and it did.
you were having second thoughts probably within seconds of the first time you said "lets do it" but you went ahead with it...
If I am right about any of this, if any of this sounds familiar, I offer this advice. I only speak for myself for whatever thats worth.
Respect isn't given on HMT its earned right? If you want it bad enough and it means that much to you, fight for it.
I don't mean money, apologies, or explanations....
Your piss poor decision making is turning out to be a blessing in disguise.
This place is revitalized. Feels pretty fuckin nice around here.
You can help rebuild this shit. bigger. better. faster.
in my humble opinion and eyes its a trade. you cashed in every respect point you ever earned with anyone in exchange for the opportunity to redeem yourself.
In the end it's not getting forgiven thats whats important.....your attempts may be shot down in flames and accepted by nobody but
only your genuine effort at redemption and a big ass bite of humble pie will clear your conscience.
To Err is human...even yours....for fuck sakes.
but forgiveness is divine.(and a helluva lot more challenging)
Find a car.
throw a turbo on it.
use a lot of shit from home depot
Flux core everything
take some god damn pictures of your setup
AND POST SOME FUCKIN PORN. Noob
...and send me a wideband
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Topic: The bridge builder and Mr. Harris (long version) (Read 7106 times)