:::RHMT::: Real Home Made Turbo
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: darkelvis on May 03, 2009, 12:15:27 PM
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www.textsfromlastnight.com (http://)
(573): Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
(650): I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
(608): I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
(512): Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
(419): I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
(845): At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
(914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
(650): sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
(415): we had.
(650): well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
(843): I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
(312): Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
(773): You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
859): Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
(502): Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
(303): You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
(303): She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
(810): I'm laying in your front yard are you home
(417): He has such a weird drunk-voice.
(1-417): dude, he's deaf.
(906): 3. 3dolla. 3dolla pint night
(616): what happened to 2?
(906): prices went up times are tough
(323): Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
(310): You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
(323): So...no?
(973): haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
(630): savin' lives aint cheap
(424): The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
(512): I pooped in a mop bucket.
(1-512): WTF???
(512): Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
(401): my mouth tastes like poor choices
(805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
(1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
(310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
(815) Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
(1-815) You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
(734): hey call me
(810): can't. in the shower.
(734): ... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
(713): Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
(832): you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
(858): My sheets look like a crime scene.
(202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
(914): saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
(774): im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
(508): I dont have a dog?
(774): WTF
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Lol I love this whole thing.
Especially the half eaten pizza on the shoulder deal
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go to the site...this is just a small sample
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(415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
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drunken and sobering text messages, funny shit
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Oh my sides hurt from readin' this. ;D :yes:
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ok
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(330): How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
(717): WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
(760): Do you need to be saved?
(847): No I think I'm God
(775): just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
(601): I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
(516): If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
(617): Need ur aereola diameter
(248): yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
(212): Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
(248): hah, sarcasm, classic
(410): You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
(617): Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
(859): im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
(503): PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
(515): Ur type is ready and willing
(970): Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
(917): last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
(917): this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
(917): he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
(718): messed up. what color are the wings?
(573): My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
(601): Are you drinking alone?
(662): no, i'm watching house
(601): That doesn't count.
(662): wtf, then i'm always alone
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This website is too damn funny. I'm tearing up because of half of these... great thread :yes:
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when you live this life (minus the getting laid a lot) its really all just in a days work O0
*took some vikes and ready for nawp
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yes
(973): On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
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Check out http://www.latfh.com/ (http://www.latfh.com/)
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Check out http://www.latfh.com/ (http://www.latfh.com/)
is it acceptable to become enraged with hate after seeing people like that?
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Only if you wish bodily harm upon them.
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Check out http://www.latfh.com/ (http://www.latfh.com/)
I submitted some pics of rawr + friends.
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(310): dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
(323): no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
(310): oh, so thats why my junks red.
(323): wow. cant help you there...
I'm guessing 310 is Hotrex.
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(248): No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
haha
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(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom
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(513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
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(678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
(770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
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"Dude, after last night there is no way I could be a politician."
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(218): No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
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(860): I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
(860): fuckk wrong person
(1-860):.. who was that for? a girlscout?
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bwahahaah we got a winner
(518): Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
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sirs, this is how it is done
(314): U should come over 2nite
(1-314): $$$$
(314): R u crazy I am offended
(1-314): We totally had this conversation already
(314): Ur totally a homosexual or either delusional
(1-314): Neither, well maybe the 2nd one a little but def not gay. Plus, you agreed last night
(314): First of all that wasn't last night and secondly I never agreed
(1-314): Yeah you did
(314): No I told u were crazy and to shut up about it cuz its not happening. Xanax clouds the memory
(1-314): No sex then.
(314): Y would you act like that esp after u really hurt my feelings by insulting me the last time I saw you
(1-314): Sorry for hurting your feelings, but you did agree. You even gave me 5 bucks to seal the agreement
(314): Yeah I gave u 5 bucks to bribe u into doin it right then doesn't mean I agreed to pay u from then on
(314): I cannot even believe we are having this conversation, r u crazy?
(314): Soo when r u gonna come over?
(1-314): $$$$$
(314): How do u figure I shud pay you for something u enjoy doing to? Im waiting to hear your rational answer
(1-314): Because people search a lifetime to get paid for what they love doing, especially when they are good at it. I…
(1-314): Im really good at making you orgasm, so why not get paid like al other professionals that are being paid good
(1-314): Did I mention doctors, lawyers, and oh yeah NURSEs
(314): U have an orgasm too did u forget
(314): Ur crazy
(1-314): I make you have multiple, and secondly the reciprocation of pleasure does not negate payment
(1-314): You always say how you don't have to worry about money, due to your dad. Why is such a big deal
(314): Cuz it makes me feel lowwwww
(1-314): All lot of things people low. Don't do it if you don't feel its right and its immoral
(314): R u fucking serious
(314): Give me the dick nowwwww
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(1-314): I make you have multiple, and secondly the reciprocation of pleasure does not negate payment
I always wondered how rawr afforded college.
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that conversation = the win
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(789): If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sounds familiar.
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(789): If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
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(214): dude. I'm so drunk.
(972): pete, this is bryce's mom
(214): I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
(972): pete, this is still bryce's mom
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(203): How did you manage that?
(860): Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
(203): lol... jersey girls rock
What was Hotrex doing in Jersey?
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My my these are funny...
I bet some are made up though or the world really is that shady, ha...
JP
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(770): Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
(404): Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
(770): Fuck. Wron person. But yea
(216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
(1-216): damn...impressive bar tab
(216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ahahaha
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I bet some are made up though or the world really is that shady, ha...
I forgot you were captain christian.
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Funny shit
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(480): I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
(408): oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Lol sum funny shit in there.
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(216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
(1-216): damn...impressive bar tab
(216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this is hands down my favorite so far i have gotten drunk and bought shit from ebay before
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more things should require a BAC test before using it. i bought 17 cd's off itunes one night when i was hammered. all of music i already owned the cds to
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hahaha.