Just call me Dr. Seuss bitch
So this is back in 2003. I'm dating a preachers daughter who I turned into the biggest whore the world has seen.
It's Friday night and I just got ready and left to pick up the girlfriend to head off to the movies. It's winter time and is cold as fuck out, the old pimpin EF hatch has the heat on lock down though. I get to her house, shoot the shit for a bit with her parents, and then we head off.
We get to the mall and I eat at Cajun Cafe who has the bomb ass cajun bourbon chicken that I eat even though I know it's going to fuck my stomach up. So we get done and leave to the movies. Coming down University Drive traffic is a bitch just like any other Fri. night. I look up in my review mirror and see a big ass Dodge Ram swerving in and out of traffic [three lanes on each side of the road with turning lane in middle] trying to get ahead of everyone. I'm in the far left lane and see the truck coming up in my review so I put on my signal and get over in the middle lane. After a few seconds I look up and see nothing but headlights (Ram) riding in my back window. After a few more seconds it pisses me off and tell the chicka to hold on. I tap the brakes for a split second and then gun the gas. As I look up in the review again I see the truck sliding at about a 45* angle across the road. I continue on to only have the truck fly up beside me in a minute. It's some
holding his hand out the window like a gun and yelling. I simply slip off into traffic as I am now on the parkway and his big ass truck can't follow.
We get to the movies quite a bit early and the girlfriend is freaking out still. For some reason the movies are semi dead this night with the side parking lot completely empty. So as we sit there talking, yada yada, next thing you know I'm parking in the corner parking spot (furthest away from the door and on the side of the theater). So I lay the back seats down in the EF hatch and get to fogging up the windows.
Out of nowhere this white van drives by creeping really slow. It goes to the back of the parking lot and comes back getting slower as it gets close to my car. First thing I think is great fuckers are about to try and break into my car (as the windows are completely fogged up and we are in the back). Next thing I know I see a shadow and then someone bend down and look into the window. All of a sudden I see a gun and first thing I think is fuck I'm getting robbed now. Guy starts screaming "Get out of the car, get out of the car!". So I reach up and open the passengers side door and get out. Now keep in mind all I have on is my boxers.
So this fucker dressed all in black stands there with a gun pointed at me and ask what are you doing? Now for some reason the first thing I blab out is "Nothing man, for real, we are waiting till we get married till we have sex". He looks down the boxers I have on don't have a button so the captain is at full fucking mass and sticking wide out in the cold. He gives me a weird look and says "I could have shot you, I saw your jacket hanging on the seat and thought you were stealing stuff out of the car". I look over and see the rent a cop logo on the van and then I reply with "Why the fuck would I pull my jacket off to steal stuff?". So we exchange some words, he threatens to call the cops, I tell him go ahead it's private property and he is the one pulling a gun yada yada he goes on and tells me he better not see me there again.
So I get dressed and get back in the car. He pulls off, I get the knob slobbed on then move the car around closer to go in. As I walk in he's standing there talking to his rent a cop buddies and starts to walk toward me. I simply reply with next time you point a gun at me you better shoot me. He simply turns and walks away.
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Topic: Epic FML date thread? (Read 4119 times)