Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Kilo, Mega, Giga, Tera, Peta, Exa, Zeta, Yotta, and Chuck Norris. Nobody can count that high, however, so it isn't practical to use.
Chuck Norris spends hours staring directly into the sun. We call that "night".
Chuck Norris once took up gardening, and tried to "Hoe a row". We now call it the Grand Canyon.
Chuck Norris consistently wins at Monopoly owning only Marvin's Gardens as property.
Chuck Norris was Darth Vader's father.
What that guy said "boom goes the dynamite", he was talking about Chuck's roundhouse kicks. He was later found dead in his dressing room with a warning against understatement. Police were unable to press charges because someone glared the security camera into in- operation.
Chuck Norris can run a Cray 2 with his mind.
When Chuck Norris was 7 seconds old he was reading at a 5th grade level. At 12 seconds he had already published a review of the entire Ayn Rand collection - he found it clichŽd.
The reason the aborigines won't let you take their picture ----> Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris stares into a mirror, even his reflection knows better than to stare back.
The best way to stop a Chuck Norris attack is to play dead. The only SURE way to stop a Chuck Norris attack is to BE dead.
Chuck Norris told Dirty Harry, "Yes, I do feel lucky."
Chuck Norris knows how to set the clock on the VCR.
Chuck Norris' infamous roundhouse kick is our first and only line of defense vs. an asteroid impact on earth.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single Chuck Norris kick to the head.
Chuck can be both Smokey and The Bandit at the same time.
Chuck Norris can breathe in and out at the same time, when he needs to breathe at all, which is never.
4 out of 5 dentists surveyed recommend not getting Chuck Norris angry. The fifth one? Chuck Norris.
Did you know that the Moon doesn't actually revolve around the Earth? It revolves around Chuck Norris. It says in its orbit because every time it starts to drift off, he punches a new crater on its surface.
Did you know that Chuck Norris was once admitted to the hospital for minor surgery? The doctors and nurses had to use special instruments and wear protective clothing because the blood in his veins was so ice cold.
Did you know that it was Chuck Norris who actually ordered the invasion of Iraq? He discovered that Iraqi scientists had been working on a secret plan to imbue Saddam Hussein with a beard of even more extreme fierceness than his. They nearly succeeded. Saddam's life was only saved when US troops rescued him after Chuck Norris had viciously kicked him directly into the ground.
Did you know that they were not called the "martial arts" until Chuck Norris came along? Before that, they were referred to merely as the "martial crafts."
Did you know that Chuck Norris once made the Kessel Run in less than 6 parsecs. In fact, it was less than 4.
Chuck Norris once delivered a baby in the back seat of a taxi cab. He delivered it a roundhouse kick to the sternum.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris can win Scrabble even when the only letters he has left are Q, X and Z.
Chuck Norris doesn't get spammed.
Chuck Norris now has the Chuck Norris Grill, similar to the George Foreman Grill, but instead of knocking out the fat, it roundhouse kicks out the fat and then grills the meat to the temperature of a million suns.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris is not afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lathers and rinses, but doesn't have to repeat.
Chuck Norris swallows his gum.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In the Library. With a roundhouse kick."
Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.
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